Horse Shoe
by Spoot Poot
Summary: This is borderline crack fic! Lol. Heero is on a simple information retrieval mission and has a little fun with it.


Spoot: Dude…

Duo: Dude.

Spoot: So you understand.

Horse shoes

It had to have been luck. That's the only other option that was left in the explanation pile for Heero. He clutched at his chest and his breathing steadied as he leaned on the wall. The bullet missed him by a hair. A literal hair…the strand was in his hand, clutched to his chest. He had never been this off before. He had his days, but this day was just one bullshit accident or near miss after another. He chuckled to himself when he thought about Duo. This was turning into one of Duo's tall tales…but this was real…Maybe Duo wasn't so full of snuff after all. He chuckled again. What was "snuff?" He pushed off the wall and looked around the corner. There were three guards and some woman in a military uniform. She was pointing down the hall opposite him. He breathed a sigh of relief and headed down the hall away from them, making sure he was as quiet as he could be…

"HE'S THIS WAY!"

Heero sat up, cursing himself for FUCKING tripping over a dead body and crashing to the ground like some kind of idiot! What was wrong with him today?! Again, his thoughts drifted to Duo, even after the guards grabbed him up. All he did was hang his head. Luck run out. "You're a hard one to catch." One man said as he hoisted Heero up to his feet. Heero just stared at the dead guy on the ground…wishing they could switch places. "I'm shocked he's not fighting back…" the other man said. They looked at each other than down at Heero who was staring blankly at the ground, his eyes darting back and forth, from the corpse to the door a few feet away. If he was in idiot mode, then so be it. What would Duo do?

"I'm pregnant…" Heero mumbled.

The guards looked at him as though he had grew another head. A small smile crept across Heero's now brightened face. He looked up. _What would Duo do?_ "It's immaculate. I was blessed by some invisible creature made of spaghetti in the sky….yes." He added a nod and continued. The men just stared in awe. "I was dancing naked, one day, in my quarters…and the Spaghetti Monster came in my window and wrapped me in his noodles…and I knew I was blessed then and there. Now if you kill me you'll be committing murder…plus, I'm stupid…not…not crazy stupid, literal stupid…I can't read or write. If you kill me, that would just be a moral shame, killing an idiot like that who done ya no harm!" He was starting to enjoy playing Manic! He was starting to see why Duo liked it so much! The looks he was getting was almost…pleasing…

"I can't tell if he's serious or not…" One man whispered to his partner. The other man nodded. "I think he thinks he is…We should just throw him in a cell and leave him alone…he's a weird fucker…" The two men nodded to each other and started to drag Heero to a cell. Heero hadn't had enough though. "I can sing. That's right. Sing like a bird…well, not a pretty bird, no. A big yellow bird, he lives on a street that I can't remember the name of. Maybe the two of you can tell me how to get there…" The men shot each other looks. One rolled his eyes and the other twirled his finger over his temple, declaring Heero crazy. Heero looked between them, from one to the other. "You two make a cute couple!" He said in his best, sing song, voice. The two men dropped him. "WHAT! No! We're not…no….not us we're just…what, no!" They both stammered together. Heero sat up a bit and checked his gun. Two shots left. He took a deep breath. Come on Lady Luck…He stood and pointed the gun at the wall and fired. The shot fired, ricochet off the wall, hit one man in the head, then went through the other man's head. Heero smiled big and twirled his gun then blew on the barrel. No wonder Duo was good at what he did. He played the lunatic and got away. So it wasn't skill at all, just dumb luck. No, scratch that, not _dumb luck…_ Dumb Skill. Heero nodded and headed down the hall.

He had a shit ton more respect for Duo as of this day. He always respected him, but his methods were called into court and Heero decided Duo's mind numbing insanity was not so mind numbing after all. The guy was actually smart! The guy actually had a method to his madness as he had said so many times in the past. By George, the bastard was right. He reminded himself, that if he survived this entire thing using Duo's "method" He would need to thank the dumb bastard. His thought were cut short when he ran right into a guard. 'Keep it together.' He thought as the guard grabbed him. 'No…don't keep it together…'

Heero looked up at the man with big dough eyes. "Mister….I'm lost! Can you help me…I can't find my mommy…" The guard gave him a weird look then put his hands around the boy's neck to choke him. Heero's mind raced as he felt the air catch in his esophagus. He couldn't breath and he felt pressure behind his eyes. "d-daddy….no." He chocked out. This threw the man off and he let go and backed away. "Daddy? I ain't your daddy…kid…" Heero smiled. "I know." He said softly. The guard's eyes widened as a foot crashed into his face. This was slowly paying off for him. He even considered betting on horses now. He chuckled as he headed down further.

The woman was at the end of the hall, her head poked into a room. Heero couldn't help pulling the ultimate Duo move. He reached over, put a hand on the woman's butt, and squeezed. She turned around fast and slapped the piss out of him. Ok, that hurt, but he had seen Duo come back from that. He giggled and gave her a charming smile. On him, it just looked sadistic and creepy. She cringed and backed into the door, making it close. "Baby, you have got to be the finest _thang_ I have ever seen…damn girl, I would love to get me a piece of that…" He said slyly as he licked his lips. She pulled her gun and pointed it at him. "Y-you stay away…" Her hands were shaking. Heero got to her then grabbed her hands in his and made her lower the gun.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear what you said, I was lost in your eyes…" He said with a sick smile. Duo would have called it his "Rape Face." The woman squirmed and flailed. Heero planted a kiss on her so hard it made her eyes roll back. The call of some guards could be heard close by. Heero broke the kiss, leaving the woman in a state of stupor. He blew her a kiss and winked. "Sorry babe, gotta go. Call me." With that he took off. She watched him run off down the hall and smiled in that goofy, love sick, way. The guards got to her and demanded to know what had happened. She just smiled and said in a soft voice. "I think I love him…"

He looked into a room then sauntered in. He had the stupidest song in his head. That "Put a Ring On It." Song. Did this come with the territory or was he really going insane. He brushed it off when he found a command console. "Yes!" He hissed as he started to tap away on the keys. He pressed a few buttons then inserted a disk. He sat down, crossed his legs and waited for the guards. Sure enough, three of them came running in. Heero stood and faced them. One grabbed him, but he jerked away. "huh uh! If you like it, you shoulda put a ring on it!" Heero snapped. Where did that come from? He wasn't even trying to be a moron now, it just spewed out of him like vomit. Another guard reached for him but nimble Heero…ballet danced away…

He had to end this madness before he turned into Duo entirely! He stopped and smiled. "Come at me bro." He said as he took on an aggressive stance. The guards rushed him, and he took down all three with a few swings and kicks. Just as the third guard dropped, the computer beeped and the disk popped out. "Sweet." Heero chirped out. He shook his head violently. Ok…time to stop thinking like Duo. Time to call back the sanity and dial down the crazy. He ripped the disk from the slot and put it in his pants. "Ok, let's do this thingy…" He shook his head again. 'I gotta get outta here!' he snapped at himself then took off.

Duo laughed so hard he had to hold onto a chair to keep from falling over. Heero was staring at him, a shamed look on his face. He was holding the disk out to Quatre. The blond was staring at him with his jaw agape. Heero had told his story, and how he had imitated Duo to survive. "I would have PAYED! PAYED to see that!" Duo exclaimed. Heero urged Quatre to take the disk then crossed his arms when the blond did as he was told. Heero failed to tell Duo just how much he enjoyed the crazy. He also left out how he almost couldn't stop. That would have sent Duo into a fit and no one would ever hear the end of it. Heero rolled his eyes and turned away from the other two. Duo pulled him back though, like the insanity that now tugged at the back of his brain. "Wait…so, did you have fun?" He asked. Heero stared at him with an indignant face. "YOU DID! YOU HAD FUN!" Duo cried out as he started to do a weird little interpretive dace.

Heero held up a hand. "What I don't understand…is…how you can keep up the act after a mission." Duo gave him a weird look. "Act?" He asked. "As in…you think I'm just acting? That…that's hurtful Heero."

"I don't see how." Heero said simply. Duo didn't have words. He just stared at Heero with a hurt look as he shook his head. "That was so mean." Quatre said softly. Heero suddenly got it. Duo _wasn't_ acting. He was this way…for real. He swallowed his pride and decided to do something nice. "I'm sorry." He said. He meant it. Duo gave him a funny look. "Sorry?" he blinked a few times. "You're never sorry…" Heero was passing him to get to his room. He turned at put sunglasses on his face, pulling another Classic Duo, he said, "Deal with it." Then went to his room. Duo laughed so hard he had to sit on the floor. Quatre smiled big and bright. On the other side for the door, Heero let out a chuckle and threw the sunglasses on his dresser. It worked.

Spoot: Dude!

Duo: dude?

Spoot: You heard me!


End file.
